Archive for May, 2007

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3 Reasons Spiderman 3 Sucked

Friday, May 25th, 2007

First and foremost, I will never EVER proclaim to be any sort of comic book fan. The only comic book I have ever owned was Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comic book with audio cassette tape. That being said, I do believe that there are certain things that make a good movie and handily enough, comic books provide a good foundation for a good movie. But I digress. The real matter here is Spiderman, and without further ado, I present the three reasons I hate Spiderman 3:

  1. Emo Spidey- Lets be real here. What kind of SUPER HERO turns into an eyeliner-wearing, hair-flipping, tight-jean-wearing, egotistical wanker? Oh, my bad… That was the EVIL spidey. Watch out MJ, he shows his vengeance through sub-par dance skills and a knack for the piano. And if you aren’t careful, he might order you to make him COOKIES. Yes kids, he truly is an awful, awful person. Nearly as bad as when Dr. Octavius decided to send that train full of innocents into the bay.
  2. Venom- What a letdown. The one character I was actually looking forward to seeing in the movie and his total screen time was all of maybe three minutes. Additionally, he was nowhere near as big, nasty, or mean as I thought he was going to be. The Sandman had more character development than Venom, which is a disappointment because, from my understanding, Venom and Spiderman have a interesting history. A history which gets cut short and not fully emphasized in the film.
  3. All the hype- Name one other movie that was released the same week as Spiderman 3. How about that awesome movie that came out the week before? Wait a tick, there was not a single hit within a 1 week radius of Spiderman 3. No wonder everyone went to see it. Disturbia had been in theaters for two weeks and wasn’t even that strong of a contender in the first place. To me, it isn’t any wonder that the movie made as much as it did. Any proclamation of a new dark, moving, EMOtional story are weak promises at best. I for one think that the trailers for Spiderman 3 were better than the movie.

    In Summary: I think the whole Spiderman franchise is diluted for an audience under the age of 16. The drama and intensity are missing in some cases due to bad acting and in others to bad directing. The first film was not as deplorable as the second and the third was a waste of my time and money.

    Am I off the mark? Care to step up and defend this turd? Have at it.

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